tomorrow is new year's eve

complementary music

So for the last couple of days I think I have spent a lot of hours on the phone. TOO MUCH CONVERSATIONS...

in the end. so glad the new year is coming!!!

Yeah I have been reading lord of the rings. I am almost done with book 2. the series is just really long.

What am I thankful for?
my house have really good heating?

will write more later!

What i did during break

1. forgot to pay so got charged $25 that is just plain sad
2. got a b+ that is just plain sad
3. didn't study didn't read articles that i have to read lazy
4. haven't made a budget plan so I will make it now (last quarter I spent wayy too much money on food)
5. should have studied for the mcat -says no premed student ever.

cleaning and sneezing

This is what happen when you have terrible allergies...
LIFE is difficult.

I sneeze so much everything hurts

I got myself a dslr

because I feel like it. JK because I want to try a new hobby. JK because it was on sale.


oh I made this

pardon the poor photography skills
I will get better.

what I will be doing now.
wrap christmas gifts :)

Done with finals

okay that one was kinda tricky.

What else?
I am homemaking my christmas presents yay for the next 4 days.

I have been reading harry potter.

I am so tired. I sleep at 4 everyday and wake up at 10am.
so bad.

Best quarter yet?

Here is what I officially decided to take next quarter
1. mcdb 138
2. viet 2a
3. mcdb 199 - research
4. ls192b- undergrad assistant
5. mcdb__ - city lab

19 units

the only class that i actually will have to work for an A is 138

Random Shopping

LASR I went to target and I bought a lot of thing...

OLD  ME: So I used to like buying expensive high quality makeup. So I will get 1 makeup palette for 35 dollars.

NEW ME: Who cares about quality when you can have quantity? Just kidding. I think cheap ELF makeup is really affordable and the quality exceed expectations.

I have been practicing make up application for funsies.

Here is what I realized about makeup.

1. Person who wears makeup feels confident, prettier, and more outgoing.
2. Person who wears makeup believes everyone cares about their makeup or how prettier they are not.
3. Reality: to everyone else the person wearing makeup is still herself. The only difference is that she is acting happier, more confident, and that that makes the making wear more charming.

QUESTION. Who is the makeup for?
When I get my cheap make up in the mail I will do a review for funsies.

finals is on monday

Yesterday I studied for 6 hours. WOW that is more than I have been studying for the last couple of days.

What else?
 I stopped making food. So I have eating instant noodles almost everyday/other. I am so scared of pimples!!!!!!


Oh yeah my favorite book in the whole wide world is going to be a movie.
I only have like 3 favorite books.
1. stargirl
2. flipped
3. the little prince

In order to be my favorite book, you really have to touch my heart.

:)

here is the trailer

6 hours classical music marathon

I found a six hours classical music video on youtube. It is supposed to be my motivation to study for finals (that is in 1 week!). I am supposed to listen to the playlist when I study and when I finish with all the songs I would have studied for six hours. Instead I am listening to the playlist while writing this post. WOW. 

here is the video.

and here is something very nostalgic:

When I was in high school, I used to study for hours on ends studying for my ap history classes. I have had this old cd player and reading music cds I bought from costco. I would listen to all the songs so many times every single day for (10-12th grade). I was a studious student. here is the album that I found on youtube.

Happy Studying!!!

I have a really bad day today

1. no more adsense no more advertisement (thank god)
I was sorta expecting that. I didn't do anything wrong. I just told my brother to read my blog and he clicked on too many things. thanks for reading everyone. I won't be making any money from this blog after all. So I will be fixing the layout a little more to make it pretty.

2. venmo is annoying

3. I have nasal allergies that makes me physically tired.

-----

Goals

1. go to the beach
2. feel better
3. learn coding/programming so I can be useful to society
4. learn in general

Life Science 4, my mediocre study routine, labels, and updates

So I got my score for the second midterm. I did really well and so did the majority of the peeps.In order for me to get an A in the class I definitely need to get 90%+ on the final. This is totally doable.

So for my study routine... I have a short attention span so I try to study in short intervals. One method that is currently working for me (it keeps me entertained and not bored) is listen to a two hours long playlist. You should try it!

So about labels. I tend to be pretty lazy about organizing my post so I will try to have a labeling system so I can find them in the future.

UPDATES
1. I am determine to do research srp 199 next quarter (4 units)
2. should I do ua for ls23l? It is easy? (4 units) yeah I should.
3. Classes for next quarter

• mcdb 199: 15 hours work, well I already doing research 4 
• ls192b ua for ls23l: easy load 4 
• viet2a: I learn how to study for vietnamese, just memorize everything 5 
• mcdb 138: this is pretty intense research based class- better start preparing 4
• mcdb 192b: citylab volunteer 2
• chem 30al? so hard maybe I should wait
• 19 units.

4. Not going to do a minor in neuroscience. WHY? I want to focus on studying for mcat, research, and doing well in my major course.
5. I am planning to take the mcat at most twice next year. here is my plan

• independent study starting winter/spring quarter, intensive studying in the summer
• take the mcat in fall
• if the score is good. no need to take anymore
• if not satisfied, take mcat class for 3 months
• take again in the spring 

6. I am going to start blogging/summarizing research articles bc it is fun and I need all the practice

well that is it. I lost my trail of thoughts.

A website that summarizes articles for you for free?

Yes. It does exist.
here is the link http://bruindemand.org/

Brief overview:
3 college students created a website to summarize and analyze articles for other students to use. WHY? bruin for bruin.

I should start doing that it would make me smarter right?

How I study when studying gets boring

I listen to this 2 hours long track

and when the music stops playing... I have studied for 2 hours. WOW
seriously. if i can make through the video twice that is 4 hours. okay I am going to study now.

The weather sucks

What I did today.
NOTHING


I think I bought my secret santa the best gift ever. NO seriously it is the best thing ever.

My secret santa likes the ranger. and because miley cyrus wore this style and it look nice (ignore the usc stuff)

notice how I made the picture really small.









I decided to get my secret santa this

http://www.amazon.com/New-Rangers-Biggest-Redux-Beanie/dp/B00IE029YS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1417575341&sr=8-1&keywords=rangers+hat

no it gets better... since my secret santa owns this.

OMG SO STYLISH. JK.

http://marc.ucla.edu/workfiles/PDFs/MARC_Work_Exchange_Program_Policy_2013.pdf

the little prince

in need of a replacement backpack?

http://www.jansport.com/shop/en/jansport-us/content/warranty

look u can get your jansport replaced. :)

(sorry about the overkill in posts. I am just bored. I don't want to study. and the weather is so gloomy)

p.s I should just go to starbucks and people watch err. study!

Dont forget

So I will be taking the 2015 mcat so I can apply to medical school summer 2016.
Don't forget to register Feb 2015.
calendar


Things to do/accomplish from now until summer 2016
1. fill out fap so I can get a discount (During winter break)
2. register for mcat in feb 2015
3. sign up for a mcat class/self study
4. obtain practice exams
5. study and get A's in my classes (refer to the four year plan excel sheet)
6. Don't forget to do research for mcdb elective. ask the postdoc about it this week?
7. Volunteer at a venice health clinic (winter 2015) don't forget to get the tb test results and do the training, and learn how to drive there. o: oh yeah. Did I mention my parents let me bring my car to school. yay
8. save money- lots of money
9. look for letter of recommendation
10. start volunteering for vch, do a little bit of everything.
11. study for the mcat
12. take the mcat
13. work on medschool app
14. apply

honestly i wish I was a better freshmen so I can apply to medical school end of junior year and not have to wait a year. booohoooo. but if I wait I will have a higher chance of getting accept. so yay?

Too Much Sleep = dry eyes

I woke up early this morning because I slept too early.  :O And now my eyes are dry. :P

They say the weather this week will be terrible. There will be lots of rain  (good thing I have an umbrella. Although it is almost 9am the sun seems to be barely rising. IT IS BEAUTIFUL>

Oh hey I found my bankcard. (I was looking outside my window). YAY money! umm not really. still need to work alot of hours this week and have enough money for rent. YAY


goal until the end of finals week. 600

so hungries

Here is a song

so cuteeeee

I went home for thanksgiving :)

So I went home this thanksgiving.

What I did this weekend.
1. eat lots of good food
2. take my little sister shopping. We bought basically the same thing but in different colors at pacsun (2 of each)
- Demin Joggers.
- http://www.pacsun.com/la-hearts/fur-hood-anorak-jacket-0760487100006.html?start=1&q=parka&dwvar_0760487100006_color=025 should have gotten size xs. but oh wellz
- tshirt
3. eat more good food
4. I did some studying
5. I email/text my professors, friends, co workers, etc. Happy Thanksgiving! Sadly I forgot to text the post doc I am working with. OOPS. Maybe for the christmas
6. I forgot to buy my secret santa a christmas gift
7. Had 3 allergies incident. I am seriously am allergic to dust. So short story made shorter: I was looking through my closet to look for winter clothes when it dust me. And let me tell you. I was miserable all night. Sneezing is exhausting you know.
8. I convinced my parents to let me bring my car to school.
9. funny observation: facebook free and for sale group has it own "black friday sale"
10. I didn't get to drive my car because I forgot my glasses.

last thought. why is my house so cold?

I stood there and stared

This piece is address to no one in particular. Interpret it as you will.

While walking home yesterday I noticed the lighted rooms of Ronald Reagan Regional hospital. Some of the rooms have "get well soon" balloons, some are lit, but most are dark and closed curtains.

How do you feel looking outside the window to see us students walking to and from school everyday, full of life and opportunities? Do you wish to be like us? Enjoying the winter breeze and scent of winter rain? We also can't sleep sometimes and we also skip meals- sometimes. In a way we all are going through the same emotions and experiences. The only difference is context.

How is studying related to being ill you might wonder? I don't leave my apartment much, sometimes I forget to eat, and most of the time I would stare outside my "window" and imagine what life would be like to be free and premed. Confined in your room, you must feel so alone because you feel like you are fighting your battles alone. Sure, there are doctors, nurses, and everyone else but most of the time it is just you. I feel the same way. Sure there are professors, ta, and friends but most of the time it is just me. No one can do the studying for me just like no one can win your battles for you. Between you and me you are already my hero and one day I wish to be yours.

While I stare at your hospital room, you were probably staring at me too. Both of us thinking: "one day I will be right where you are and one day I will tell you my story." One day I will be inside that hospital room to bring in the sunshine you missed out on, to tell you of the adventures of premed student, and why you are  so worth it. One day you will be here, telling me of your battles and how much it means to you to live my life and everyone else's life.

Socks for the Homeless

i was walking back today and i was so cold and I saw this lady sleeping on the pavement. and that makes me so sad
she didnt have any shoes or socks on and i wished I could do something to help her.

SO I made this. and got people to help me with my cause :)

Hello everyone!
As many of you all know, the weather lately has been pretty chilly and it will only get colder. I am starting a fundraiser to buy socks and blankets and to make care packages for the homeless of Westwood.

I plan to deliver the care packages starting Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of finals week. If anyone wants to help me with this project, feel free to message me, comment, or sign up in this google doc. Thanks everyone!!!

P.S I will be selling homemade holiday greetings card if anyone is interested in buying. (You can also donate $ if you want)

midterm 2 for ls 4 today

Quick thought: I SO SCARED

Random thought: I wish I was smart like MarkZ's wife.

Insight of the month: For the first time in forever I am THAT afraid of people.

I made a youtube video!

My friend and I made a video. CHECK IT OUT!

Tomorrow is test day

So I did really bad on midterm 1. And tomorrow is midterm (I kinda overkill on studying). I hope I will be able to concentrate well and get a good score. Then my life is saved.

Life Science 4 is no joke. It so hard. :(

ads

So after months of having blogger. google finally allowed me to post "ads" on the page.
Don't worry. I am just really curious how people make money off google. It is not like I am actively looking for viewers. If you see something funny on the blog, just ignore it. It is just me experimenting and testing things out. :)

Connections

Let's talk about starbuckslovers. No not a real person. More like an idealistic generalized persona.

Before that, thanks for reading my blog.

Updates
1. remember how I had two research labs?
well one of the lab "fired" me because I was depressed and unable to work. o.o'' sad. Also said I am easily distracted. BUT I am a hard worker :(
so i have one lab now

2. I changed my major from physci to mcdb (molecular cellular developmental biology)
I only need to take 4 additional class because I am still doing research in lab A

3. I realized my hair looks like Korra. :)

4. deleted.

5. I am in the process of finding another job.
Why? To work and study more.

6. I am only taking one class now.
I have been studying lots.

7. I wanted to buy people also christmas gifts this year but I am in a 'recession' so everyone gets paper. Heck even the starbuckslovers will get a christmas card this year. WINNING!

8. I have been eating way too many sweets. now I feel like I have to go the dentist :(
----

About the starbuckslovers.
refer to #4.

I reinstalled spotify

I remember I used to listen to spotify everyday for a year +. It helped a lot. Because I don't want to associate myself with those memories, I deleted a majority of my playlist. Yeah. Well now is a good opportunity for me to begin a entirely new playlist that would define the current 2014 me.

Would it be cool to have a playlist of songs that reminds me of a current person, theme, whatever?

Let's try that.

One playlist I want to experiment with is titled

starbuckslovers (yeah totally Taylor Swifties)

your education is worth more than these earrings

Summer is over and fall is approaching. 

There is a time in our lives when we are broke. Let's write this story in the perspective of a mother.

outline

1. kids are going back to school

2. in need of a new backpack

3. in need of school supplies

4. no money

5. in need of back to school clothes

6. want kids to fit in

7. sold jewerly 

8. take kid shopping to buy whatever they need for school

9.  kids so happy

10. we not poor again jk

i should have not taken those stuff for granted. :(

Summer is over and fall is approaching. My kids will be in school in a couple of days.

i believe

that I can do well in ls4 and end up getting a really good grade.

I will teach you how to smile

SMILE.

gaining weight

here is an experience...

You wake up in the middle of the night. "I am hungry. I feel empty like something is missing." You looked at the high calories milk tea with a smile. "If I drink this I will feel happy again, it is sweet and creamy and warm." You made yourself a big cup and you sat by your computer monitor. It is late now, no one is awake. You should study but you should eat. There is nothing to do if you eat you will get energy to do work. And you walk int the kitchen for round two of snacks. Passing by the restroom you look at yourself in the mirror. Is this really me? Smile! You will lose that weight in no time. Just stop eating. You can start doing stretches, push ups, and sit ups like you used to. The hours become days, the days become weeks and months. Look at your face. Why are there so many red bumps, is that a snout? Why? Do you feel heavy, full, disgusting? I don't care how you feel but you sure look at way to me. Why are you so big in photographs? Is that really your face and look at the acne. And you ran. You avoided mirrors. You continue drinking that powder milk tea drink and eating your midnight snacks. "But I am so hungry." Are you? Are you? Look at yourself and tell me you love how you look. Tell me love this. Tell me you are okay becoming this mess. I told you to wake up everyday with a smile and go run, laugh, and live your life. Why are you like this? You spent a majority of your days on the computer, eating, and sleeping. It is senior. It is time to meet friends hang out and be the best version of yourself. Why are you like this. Wake up! "I am trying to." Wake up! The pimples and the weight will go away but first you have to let of all your extra baggage. All the feelings. All the anger. You need to live and be the best version of yourself. Because two years from now you are going to better, prettier, and happier.

footsteps

I am not asking you to run. Just walk.
I will slow you down. My pace is too slow.
I will slow down.
You know I am kind of clumsy.
Just be careful and watch your steps.
Trying.
Where you go?
...
                                                    ____ Where you go?
                                                        _____
                                                            ______Where you go?
                                                                   ______
                                                                       ______ Where you go?
                                                                            o+<  I am right here.
I worry about you sometimes.
Sorry.
I am sorry too.

cooking rice

How do you cook rice? First you pour some rice into the pot and you wash the rice. I remember how you would take forever to wash each grain of rice. "The water needs to drain clear," you said. Scrub Scrub. Rice against palms. Palms against rice. How do you cook rice? You add water to the clean rice- from the top of the rice to the first line of your index finger. "But my hands are bigger than yours." Soggy rice for dinner? Just remember the 1:2 ratio. You place the pot onto the the stove and wait for the water to boil and cover the pot. "The steam cooks the rice." When is the rice ready? "If you can smell burnt rice, you made rice." You open the lid and smile. We made rice.

sleep and wake

So I have been getting my appetite back. FOOD TASTES SO GOOD. I don't think I will gain weight because I am already so skinny. Later I am going to the store to buy leggings so I can go running. Need to be fit. No need to be skinny or fat. FIT...

Oh yeah. I decided to not pursuit physci major anymore because it is giving me unnecessary stress. I know the material I love what I was learning. It is just that I perhaps care too much about my grades and future. Well anyway what ever major I end up graduating with will make me happy.

About my sleeping schedule.

I am excited about sleeping early and waking early hehe

gray matters

It doesn't matter how you felt. What matters is how you will feel.

today I found out something I wish I never knew.  It would make it so much easier.

Secret Places

Have you ever been to my favorite place in the whole wide world? It got a circular fireplace we can sit around to study when it gets cold. I haven't been there since year one. There is this rooftop balcony you can go to take a nap and pretend that you are at the top of the whole and all your classes are beneath you.  I took a nap there once. Can you found it? Two years ago I went to find the stars at the highest point on campus but I came home with one less star. There is nothing there really just white paint, concrete and daylight. There are benches in the middle of grass fields. Have you been there? Would you believe me if I told you there are tunnels and mazes here, that can unexpectedly take you to your new favorite place? Secret places are meant to be kept but I told you mines. Are they really secrets?

 

MAJOR CHANGES

you will see in time.

I want to say I am thankful meeting another friend today.

Sleeping at Janss Steps

To strangers on that grassy hill: Thank you for watching over me.

Yesterday I was feeling a little sleepy and down and so I went to a place I have never gone on campus and took a nap. I asked a random stranger to watch over me when I was sleeping because I didn't want my stuff to be taken and because I wanted to feel safe. And so I slept on the sloped hills and never have I felt more at peace. I will definitely visit this place more often to appreciate solitude. Solitude is a choice. After my hours of solitude I was able to appreciate how lucky I am to meet so many wonderful people within the last four weeks. Even though few of them knew I was going through a very tough time, their presence nevertheless help me forget my internal turmoils. It is so difficult starting from scratch again. I felt as if the last two years of my life was insignificant and meaningless because I never got to be myself or did the things that make me happy. I was always in my room and avoiding society. Now I am ready to live for myself and be the person I was destined to be. It really helps that I met the right people. You know.. the ones that brings sunshine and hope in my life. Alright I have an exam within an hour. But I just want to say how happy I am to know that someone is watching over me. I am not religious but I really believe someone is watching and looking out for me.

Gravity

Can you stay up and look at the stars with me?



I think the most romantic thing you can be for someone is a star.

Swings

Under the moonlight I taught you how to swings. You told me you are confused, you don't know what to believe. You haven't decided. You are afraid aren't you? "Where would I be without you?" No, you didn't say that but I guess that is close enough. I told you to pick up your legs and kick them high into the air. It is hard for you right? I understand. I got off the swings and pushed you. Are you having fun? Soon you were laughing and smiling and for a moment so was I. "This could be us," I said. Not a chance. Why? No answer. Let's go back. "You know I care." Don't worry about it. We walked back to my front porch and the eyes did not lie. "Why?" No answer. I watched as you walk away. "I am your star," I whispered.

a copycat post

I like this so much (someone else wrote it) I had to post it here.

physci 107 ucla

so scared :(

highlights so the day so far

Morning
- meh woke up too early

- talk to maibro
about alot of random things

- forgive maiua
no response. oh well. At least I care to say something

-talk to my dollarfriend
i learn alot of new things and insights. now i owe my friend a dollar

Afternoon
- raced a stranger while walking to school
he walks too fast
so i told him so

- made new friend in physci
 person who saw me eating alone

- said hello to my starbuckphyscibuddy
aint i so glad to see you

-said hello to physci buddy friend
oh so

new friends new joys new adventures

I am so glad I join citylab. There I met so many like-minded people with very similar personality and quirks. Well, we are not all cookie cutters. I just love how we laugh about the same and just have the fun playful environment you don't see in other organization. It was the first club I am actively involved in and no regrets man. Everything is worth it.

I have to thank all the new friends I made within these past couple of weeks. My life feel so much happier now I have met you girls.

1. girl from physci ls4 ls23l
-wow we have so much in common
2. girl from citylab
-wow we so fun together
3. girl from fb
-so cute and can you be my friend forever?

Cold November

Would you believe if I said I lost someone very dear to me (still alive) and I am in the process of picking up the pieces to rebuilt my life? Can't you tell that my post have been pretty sad and morbid and not as lively and happy as they used to be. Well they have been like this for a while.

Well thank you for reading my blog imaginary readers. It really means a lot of me that there are people who cares about my existence.

Yesterday was the first day of fall and everything is "falling apart". I know. I know. So funny.

For now I am just trying to live my life one day at a time. Life is too precious to to throw away you know. I love my life, everything is good, except for the fact that life is real and sometimes things happen and there is nothing you can do about it.

Happy November 2nd everyone. I will try my best to be happy and do well in life.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/lauren-anne/2014/05/maybe-one-day-someone-will-love-me-in-that-way/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/lauren-anne/2014/06/to-the-guy-i-left-in-the-friend-zone-for-too-long/

much to do. much to pay. much to worry. scary as halloweeen

http://www.7cupsoftea.com/1736307

For the record I have 3 midterms next week. And not only so, 50% of my grade is determined next week. I just really want to do well.

So desperately want a 3.6 or better by the end of Junior so I must work harder.

passive agressive

this article is a great read

http://www.doctoroz.com/blog/janine-driver/what-does-your-walk-say-about-you

ps i am a ninja

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/health-fitness/misophonia-sufferers-tell-how-people-2267950


http://blog.pickcrew.com/why-do-we-have-pet-peeves/


here are mines.

1. walking loudly
-stomping bad
- dragging your feet worst
- pushing your feet what seriously?

2. loud chewing
- hurts my poor ears

3. breathing loudly
i will have a hard breathing if I am focusing on your breathing

4. selfish people
-uggh

5. liars
- pourquoi?!?!?!!

You study wrong.

-says someone in my physci 107 class - no wonder you didn't do well in your quizzes.

That was really mean. All I said is "your handwriting is messy"- like a doctor's. GG.



well I have 3 midterms next week starting monday so I am going to study.

something blue

have you seen the sky lately?

that girl

So I got a haircut and I never felt so refreshed. Growing my hair long seems very goal orientated to me. I wanted to have long hair because I want to be "feminine" "girly" basically mold myself to the stereotypical female. Why? I thought this way I would be more accepted. But as time pass by I just want to be myself: strong, independent, and confident. More importantly I want to be me.

Cutting my hair is the first step to be whoever, whatever I want to be. If I want something I make it happen.

There is an art in making "you" you. For example you wear things that matches your personality. Be yourself. Seriously why do people say "fake it til you make it" will that make you happy?

brief interruption. What are you doing now? 
Listening to ted talks. It is simply mind blowing. These people insights and thoughts makes my heart flutters with joy and my stomach's butterflies just want to break free.

What happen yesterday?
yesterday I met amazing people.
1. the boy who sat next to me and we studied together
2. the two girls in the left front of me who are so motivating and kind
3. the girl to my right front who was hard working and scared like me
4. the girl in front of me who gave me hope for my future
5. the man who replace person number 3 whose knowledge is so vast

What unites us all? We are all intelligent, hardworking individuals.

What happened yesterday?
I met a boy who I have been thinking of for a very long time. I am not sure how about I feel about it (seeing him). Are you thinking of what I am thinking? I should take the encounter as a project of my subconsciousness.

I swear I see you in a million little faces.

to be continued. because I am studying. because that is what people like me do.

jokes

http://news.distractify.com/jake-heppner/puns/?v=1&img=7af0f4

breathing underwater

can you?
I wish I learn how to swim. I believe I am at the perfect stage in my life where I would try to learn anything. (reference bella from new moon)

I am afraid of heights and after using the stairs everyday I have desensitize myself a little.

If I get rid of all my fears. I think I will be able to relax a little more and live a little.

WOKE UP EARLY TO STUDYYYY

YEAH!

so i first listen to this song in 6th grade and i love it!!!!!!!!!!

geesh the reason why i disinstalled spotify is because I have a whole list of morbid music from 2011. LOL. facepalm. i know.

love is not a shiny object

I woke this morning inspired to write a short something about shiny objects. How was sleeping? I slept well. How? Well I was on campus 8am-10pm and I knock out at 2am. FLAT. See? Even if you are feeling the crappiest you still need sleep. Oh yeah I was so happy when all I dreamt about is physci. I am determined to do well in the class. QUIZ TODAY!!!

Last quiz myua told me I got a 16. That is okay right? Nope he says "you need 18+ to even consider getting an A." Alright master I shall buckle up and study.

What will I do after my quiz? I guess I will spent the remainder of my time after 6pm studying for ls4. Because? I can do it! Because I am not dumb.

Anything interesting happened? I want to read this book titled After because it is a story about a complicated, real, college relationship. The type that drives you crazy yet you still continue. Some possible cons: that relationship is toxic and makes you wonder if they are better off not together.

Here goes. Enjoy!

Love is not a shiny object. That means you don't always have to get butterflies or nervous around that person because you are yourself. So no need to feel anymore different than how you feel without that person. I guess you feel happier? Don't worry it is all hormones. I can tell you about dopamine, oxytocin, etc that the body secretes to make you that way. Over time those initial feelings will fade and all you have are memories and yourself to help you continue on...Those chemicals are going to go away so it is always good to have a foundation.

So I am I doing? Waiting for those chemicals to go away of course.

Here is a cute picture of the day.

:) I feel good about myself. Because I am committed to my morals and beliefs: don't do anything that gives you regret, don't hurt others, don't break happy people, and no negative thoughts. 

the october november december curse - I miss you

So I will write it here so it will never happen again. Remember future self. If you read this you be smart and live an honest life.

October, November, December 2011. Senior year.
The year everything ended. So does that mean 3 years is max? Freshmen to junior year. or Sophomore to Senior year.

Let's hope this is the last time.

From the sixth grade onwards I had this big big crush on this one guy in my elementary school. It was great. First love. Writing in my diary everyday for 3 years straight because I was too shy to say anything to him. Then I became a creepy stalker. Then I became his friend/tutor. Then I became that special someone. Then everything went downhill senior year.

Weird I never got over the fact about how hurt I was. Yet I forgot all the happy times.

After the first love crashed and burned I was never quite the same. I grew more afraid and paranoid. For the last three years I would question and wonder myself "am I too nice, am I too mean? I should be nicer. No i should be more strict. I should be cautious and be careful of any signs. I should just not care."

Occasionally I would get flashbacks myself three years ago. Zombie like. Miserable I wonder how I survived. Good friends? Thanks friends. No thanks bad friends.

Back to my point. After that year I was never the same. So I got accepted to a really good university, premed. Had my whole life in front of me. Yet I was never myself. The girl before all the madness. The girl with bright dreams and ambitions.

To myself, I have became a monster. Who is that girl? What happen to being independent and strong and why do you need someone to make you feel like you are worth something? Why are you crying and giving up? Nothing destroy your confidence. Not even when daddy told you that you wouldn't get into a good school or when that girl from junior high walked you out to the middle of the soccer field to say "you can't hang out with us." You just said okay and walk to the school library pick up a book and read. And by the end of junior high, the strange A'ss on your report card meant something. You practically read all the books in the library, had a dream of living in the library, being a librarian, attending medical school.Honestly you were alone- independent, unnoticed, but very happy. There was nothing better than a good book and rubrix cube.

I miss you Miss Stayed up all night to read. Miss who never said a bad word. Miss worse fear was getting her book taken away. I miss you.

Back to my point. In college, I lived as the scarred highschool student who never got over what happened senior year. I have trust issues. I don't trust the boys and I definitely don't trust the girls. Sure I was still stubborn, loud yet scared. I masked my fears with my smiles and jokes. I befriended everyone. I wanted friends. I needed friends.

I was everything I wanted to be. I reached my intermediate goals. I am my own hero.

Yet I am still scared, afraid, and paranoid.

Honestly. I never got over the hurt, betrayed feelings of senior year of high school. It has been three years. They are probably together and happy. Meanwhile I lived the past three years missing the person I was six years ago.

So much lie to say I have gotten over it. I am not mad.

I am disappointed. I felt betrayed.
For the next two years I want to be myself again. I will think about what happened in october november december 2011 over and over again. Until I stop feeling angry, afraid, and scared. Then I can be myself.

I miss you.

worst day ever

I say this too much.
Seriously this is.
But on a positive note.

Why I am scared to get to know someone who is "better" than me.
Because.
Like when will I ever be at the level?
Time to study~

how is life?

stressful?

I have to say Junior year is so far the hardest year ever.
I have to give up some many things ;(

1. korean drama
2. legend of korra (it makes me so sad)
legend of korra is the only show that makes me happy for an entire week
3. delicious food and going home
4. my little brother (does he still remember i exist anymore?)
5. wearing contact lens
6. wearing make up for fun

so when i try to look good one day is because I try to. because I want to. Because I want to feel still like i still have a life

My life as a Physiological Science Major

yes that is what I should rename my blog for the next two years. Well maybe for Junior year. How does it feel? Overwhelming, stressful, mini panic attacks when you realize there are more things to study than you thought and you dont have time. No time!!!

Here is my shallow narrow minded analysis of the major.

The people: Everyone is suffering just like me. Unless they are genuis or really good at looking "cool, calm, and collecting"

What is this suffering you may ask?
Every 20 points quiz feels like a midterm.

rewards: I feel like once we all survive physci 107, 111A, 111B we will become great seniors.

whatever i have to go study now.

didn't know that i like learning about brain

wow

picture this

A story about one of those lost encounters. The should have, would have, maybe and perhaps all play an important role in shaping who we are now. More likely, we became braver and more daring to make up for those missed opportunities.

it is wonderful

I wish I had a talent too.

LABELS!

use this link to practice your labeling skills

http://highered.mheducation.com/sites/0072943696/student_view0/chapter8/labeling_exercises.html#
dont go to the links if you don't like brains.
yes they are real


http://www.radnet.ucla.edu/sections/DINR/Images/index-1.jpg

http://www.radnet.ucla.edu/sections/DINR/Part%2011/Images/11-3.jpg

http://www.radnet.ucla.edu/sections/DINR/Part%204/Images/4-4.jpg

http://www.radnet.ucla.edu/sections/DINR/Part%204/Images/4-5.jpg


more study links

http://library.med.utah.edu/WebPath/HISTHTML/NEURANAT/NEURANCA.html

okay that is enough brains for today.

things to do

2 research labs
2 jobs
2 classes
1 undergraduate assistant
1 health clinic volunteer

+ something important that determines everything

= a girl's struggle to follow her dreams

kdrama music

This song makes me feel all warm inside and then somewhat sad. What is this?

Read this base on the lyrics of "Problem"

no Chinese 1 got my weight off my shoulder
I should be wiser but i realize that
I GOT
one less class to worry
I got one less class to worry
one less
one less
one less


yeah. that is why i am not taking chinese 1 anymore.

cheese!

you know "U" will always be next to "I"
and just like "W""E" are together
"J"K"

study this!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQU5aKKDwmo

school finally started!!

let's just say I am taking too many classes. BUT they are so much fun. hehehe so sad i am waitlisted for chinese 1. boohoo.

happy things that happen today
1. friday i dont really have "class'
2. everyday is a learning experience
3. food?


so right now i am enrolled in

physci107
ls4
chinese 1
ls192a
srp 99

last two: fun learning
first two: intensive learning
middle: best of both world

let's hope i get into chinese 1

here is a song

research: I love research I look forward to mondays wednesdays fridays because I am always doing something fun.
human anatomy: no offense it kinda ew but i really like learning how things all work.

thatisall i am studying right now.

what a crayz week

1. laptop broke
2. cost too much to fix
3. got a new one
4. got yell at
5. mad

on the other hand i got to redo my schedule for the next two years

this is what i am probably going to take in the spring
blah talk about that later

lets talk about the kdrama i am watching
playful kiss

that guy is meann

enjoying whatever is left of summer

i made cute cartoon felt figures
play games
watch kdrama
read manga
but i really should study

also get to spend quality time with my friends and oh i didn't mention i went on a road trip last week right?

it was fun, exhausting, eye opening
perhaps there might be some photos.


If I ever have the time to write a story it will defnitely be about a smart boy who likes a not so smart girl. that is dang cute you know. so much better than a smart girl liking a dumb boy. sighs i could write it right now if i want.

omg like this is hella cute
LOL.
read from right to left

let's talk ambition

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gunner <-- i finally know what this word means.

It is sad to say even though people might have "everything" they are not 100% happy...well just make the most of it you know

what else?
today I work 7 hours nonstop: go work 2. go do research
yesterday I also work x 2. go work. go work. and yes it is very exhausting and tiring but it is worth it. I can train my mind and body to not feel tired. I am sure there is many people out there who work all day and they can't even complain. Additionally I heard that medical school is straining and tiring + long hours so if I am not physically or mentally ready how would I survive? Need to stay strong and work hard.

seriously. you don't know what hard work is until you actually do the work. so perhaps i dont know what hard is -yet.

here are some of my goals for junior year in no specific order.

apply to some sholarships
get accepted to the departmental honor program
learn chinese really well and get a good grade
research research of course
learn better study habits (not like my current habits are any bad)
not be lazy
eat more food
save money- bc that is soooo important LOL
good grades because i need to
raise that gpa to a 3.6+ by the end of junior year- if you do that will you be happy?
start studying for the mcat

for this 2 weeks break

i should study for ls 4 right?
#getahead

what I did this morning
Spent  a good hour planning my last two years at ucla.
let's just say wow I have wayyy to many units. How that happen again?


what else now i am going to get ready to go workie and babysitting later at night?
where do i have the time?


I think I need to find someone to talk to about my plans because planning is boring with no one to talk to.


okay time to go now

things to do

right now is ~10pm
1. finish study guide (like seriously finish) - 1 more hour at most
2. complete midterm 2 study guide - why so lazy the first time and not do it- 1 hour
3. do ec before you sleep because you have to!!!!! - 1.5 hour

if you do all of that you will do well.

thursday
wake up at 8am and study yo!
1. re-outline post midterm2 stuff (5 hours)
- go to office hours
2. reread midterm1 and midterm2 ppts (1 hour)
3. look at study guide
4. memorize stuff
5. go to office hours to look at exam
6. reread post midterm 2 ppt
---- try to get this done before 6pm
relisten to sketchy lecture u have no notes for..
sleep at 12

friday, wake up early like 5:45 earliest to reread, review, sleep

test at 9 - i think...

dont jinx

already did

why?

1. it's maifriend's problem

oh yeah playing maplestory makes me want to study

dont jinx

already did

why?

1. it's maifriend's problem

the week of finals

so today is monday and my final is friday

good news. i have hope again! my teacher is offering an ec opportunity so I can miss 11 questions out of 90 on my finals an still get an A. or I can miss 25 and get a A-. such luck. but I still need to study - no study = bad grades even if you have luck on your side.

so something funny happened.
here are the details: you put your ringing alarm under your pillow maybe it will go away.

no cyber bullying

i have nothing to say.

boohoo?

look at the picture

so I want to write a story about something i found out (via fb) it is actually kind of sweet.

but for now enjoy the music.

untitled

this town is colder now
i think it is sick of us..

what is sadder

soggy rain sad or dry windy leaf falling sad?

finally not hungry

thanks to mommy and daddy for bringing me foood

what is that that again oh the need pyramid.

so now that i have food. I did my laundry. and clean my room(shelter) checkmate!

I am safe

Umm I have friendships

WHERE IS THE ESTEEM and SELFFULFILMENT?

go study!

cross stitching drama

so I am in this cross stitch group on fb with a bunch of these ladies who are much older than me. It is funny how older people also have drama. WELL one lady started drama. and everyone was offend. I was too.

boring-est weekend ever

there is nothing to do.

so

I watch kdrama
read articles on how how to play puzzle and dragons.
play puzzle and dragons
then I play clash of clans
I also did some cross stitching 1inch x 1inch took 2 hours o.o
how I am reading speculations about harry potter
unproductive bc I was too lazy to walk to school to do research. yeah
too lazy to read
still sad about ls1. should have studied harder. I know I didn't fail but I should have remember those tiny details. oh geesh
what else to do until tuesday?
tomorrow wake up early when it is not so hot to go do some experiments. definitely going to to learn some computer programing. read online quiz. read for lab quiz. start studying for the finals. I am scared now. learn ls4 during the 2 weeks break before school. what else? work work work.

idleness is such a drag. I wonder how retired people feel.


Why no essay format and just bullet points? Idk.

here are some links

http://www.puzzledragonx.com/
http://cli.learncodethehardway.org/book/

that is all.

studying and wishing for my battery run out so I can go home

just study!

chances

it is not about whether you get what you want by the end of the day. it is whether you tried or not.

here is a situation.

is it better to tell a dying patient that he or she has 50/50 survival rate or no chance.
well not sure.

let's think about it.

if you are told you have no chance of survival what would you do? YOLO? Do everything you ever wanted and no ragrets? or would you just accept and live your day as in every other day. surely you will be YOLO right? Okay it is totally fine to yolo because even normal people are YOLO sometimes. On the other hand, even though you have been YOLO to live life the way you want. Are you 100% happy or in between the laughter and smile you are dying inside - not literally. happy yet unhappy.

how about if you are told you have a chance. Would you take it? Even if the chance is almost nothing and most likely not be true. Would you still take it? Of course. I would like to believe you want to live a second longer. The main idea is you have a chance. How would you act? Would you still YOLO? OR would you actually be good and follow through with the treatment to possibly make you a little better? Believe you actually have control of your life? Be yourself and not implusively YOLO and actually ruin any possible chance you might have?

What about the outcome? everyone die eventually right?

I can't say which situation will result in a more meaningful life but I do believe that being yourself is best. Are you really a YOLO person to begin with? Or you are the type who just want to enjoy every second of being alive and possibly changing your fate.

no wrong answers here.

honestly you dont need that much

so it is okay.
I won't ask for anything.

just live with what I have.

self reflection

on a scale of 1-10 how do you feel atm?
2

why?
in pain, blisters on my toe, just "feel" mehhhh

what else?
I want to stay up and study

why?
because that is the only thing I am good at.

what else?
I am obsesssed about grades.

why?
because Im premed and because I mess up freshmen year so bad.

do you think not messing up freshmen year would make you a better now?
nope.

why?
bcuz I would mess up now.

are you better at not messing up?
school wise yes.

how? teach me!
when you have nothing to do and you don't want to feel anything you read and study. self fulfillment is a sense of joy.

if you could have anything right now what would it be?
security

why?
you can't never have enough.

goals for the weekend?
1. read for ls1 quiz
2.  study ls1
- do study guide, 2 sections a day
- re-outline packets
- relisten to some lectures
3. take ls1 quiz
4. online activities
5. read for lab quiz
6. art and craft xD

there's no place I'd rather be.

a story about a grain of sand


I am just a piece of sand you know. And before I was a grain of sand I was part of a rock. Not just any old rock, I fell from the sky so you can call me a shooting star. From a star to a grain of star, I was never any happier.

Earth is beautiful you know. It is blue and blue and oh just wonderful. For the first billions of year my life was pretty stagnant things grow things go. Life is life. Nothing really happened until the winds and waves broke me down to my current state: a grain of sand.

Floating in the water is fun I guess. Not when I waited a the bottom of the ocean for something to happen. What happen? No idea. It was just dark.

Nothing really happened until I heard the sound of a boy crying. "there is something in my eye"
"Aww sorry dear you must have gotten sand into your eyes"

So after much crying and scrambling the boy finally stopped crying.
"It is beautiful"

I guess I am.

"Can we keep it?"
"But honey it is a piece of sand"
"you said it is beautiful"
"okay"
 to be continued...

this is going to be what the end of the story gonna be like. spoilers I know.

"I am sorry it took so long for us to be together'
"Not at all. A second with you is more that my entire existence."

back to the basics

so lately I have been feeling pretty crappy.
yeah. It is really sad and I can't do anything about my feelings. So i am just going to study my time away.

I also learn
good grades doesnt bring happiness.

didnt know

this song is korean

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FtckoU3iUg

wow

goals

you set little goals for yourself everyday and you work hard to achieve before you sleep.
failure is nothing when success is everything


and seriously there is no way to fail you have littles goals every day.

update

what have I been doin with my life

1. got my grades back for session A.
physics A-
biostat A
It is a miracle

2. do you even research?
first day today. I learn how to tether flies. Woah the learning curve just got really really steep

3. ls1
its okay i guess

4. my schedule for the school year kinda sucks.
no life.

stop being so nice to forgive

I forget easily and forgive too fast.
is it mean to just say: no i can't forgive you. like ever and live a life half bitter.
or
believing that you have forgiven and living a life in fear of "when is the next time"

i should just admit the latter and call it a day. there is always splenda.

i found a new game to pay

go google flash flash revolution. hehe it is like ddr but for computer.

tht

i like this song

so i am still craving bacon. boo hoo

worst day ever

1. lost bankcard and cc wow
2. no clothes and need to do laundry
3. phone and laptop = no battery: tears
4. maifriend made me pbnj but i dont like peanuts or jelly
5. allergies from the food. :(
6. waited to buy iclicker = no show

worst day ever.

edit
1. found lost bankcard and cc
2. no quarters for laundry
3. we got battery
4. friend let borrow iclicker

late night shopping for food

so fun :)

bacon

i want bacon now.

today is my birthday

and I feel so happy.
We all have fears but as long as we trust our instinct we will be good right?

Thanks to maifriend and maineighbors who made my day wonderful.

You see underwater

So today my school flooded. Yep it will always be underconstruction. :/

like every girl

I have feelings and emotions. I worry I feel sad I cry sometimes.
Like every girl I want my dreams to come true. I want stability and blissful happiness.
Like every girl who is just like me. I want to be strong so people
won't make me fall. Like every girl, I deserve a chance to be my best.
Like every girl or every guy. I deserve to look at myself and smile.

bad day

What if bad things happen? Where will I find my joy?

eggs

so I was reading about eggs and different ways to preserve them or eat them.

1. salted eggs- add into saltwater
2. poached eggs- add cracked egg into boiling water
3. fried eggs- you got this
4. scrambled eggs- scramble egg first then fry
5. deviled eggs- i believe u separate the whites from the yolk after you hardboil it.. Add some stuff to the yolk and stuff it back
6. hardboiled eggs- yoo got this
7. soft boiled eggs- boil for a little bit and let it soak in hot water.
8. balut eggs- boiled fertilized eggs :O
9. tea eggs- hard boil eggs boil again in tea.
10. century eggs- eggs preserved with clay, ash, quicklime etc.

a banana is a berry

evidence

a lot of cross breeding creates banana with specks for seeds. 

it is just a cut

Today I got a cut because of a bad knife. Seriously that steak knife going to scar me forever. emotionally scarring of course. Never use it ever again. I also made banana smoothie twice. YUMz. and all i do today is hw. Hmm the thing about a public blog is that you want people to read it but you dont want people you know read it. So if you know me please stop reading myblog. this is my blog. my space. I need this space to write. and if people are going to read it. I am just going to change the address. It not comfortable when people write comment on MY blog because it really ruin this whole secrecy and privateness. I like to imagine people read but when I see comment i get kinda annoyed. like seriously? you are ruining everything. So please don't comment because I don't like them. Don't read my blog and tell me you read because I don't care. Basically this blog is therapeutic and I dont want anything to make me want to delete it. It is nice to be alone and personal.

happy me

even though I have a bunch of hw due at midnight I am still happy.

1.  I going to have an interview for this lab I wanted
2. i made food today with maifriend and it was nasty
3. kdramas are back!

the week before finals stress

why so much work?
and i am sick again?

what i did today

shop shop shop

learn about type 1 diabetes.

i am always learning something new :)

interesting finds

what I learn today from reading articles.

1. the process of organ transplant.
2. how bees make honey

and online shopping of course.

the longest weekend ever

Friday:
-study physics
- study with my friend
- turn in homework

Saturday
- study physics
- went to daiso
- give my neighbor his bday gift

Sunday
- study physics
- watch documentaries about last 24 hours in death row and a kind of death. it was pretty morbid.
- made 10 dollars on chegg

monday
-study physics
- midterm
- ate korean food


what else?
I was kinda moody. I am still moody. and my stomach hurts after eating korean food.

the best thing

is when no hw is due and all you can do is study all day.

What else?
idk. i study a lot.

Burglar alert

i stole this somewhere

what did Obama say to Michelle when he was proposing to her?
"Will you marry me? I don't wanna be obamaself"  <--- highlight for the answer.

welcome to the maifamily

Soooo today I added my neuroscience minor. Hehe. Why? Let's just say there is much to learn and it fits with my major so why not. But seriously. I have my reasons and no it is not easy. Most of the physci classes are neuroscience but with another name...

It is really a miracle that everything fits..

So today I think I saved a friend's future. More update on that later. We will see. Let's just say I found out from my counselor that you need to take a year of english and this friend took one class... GG.

I think I am such as a busy body. hehe.

What else?
I spent 3 days studying physics concepts and now I can do problems with much effort. #concepts.

my weird neighbor part2

guess what I had for togo breakfast?
-same thing as dinner


At least the chicken was good. And why is tuna white?

my weird neighbor

so my friends moved in to the neighborhood. And as maiself I asked "are you going to make me dinner? breakfast?".

What is this? a catering service? No invite to apartment to eat dinner or anything. Just  "go down stairs", "here is your food", "bye". Seriously. Who does that? Well obviously the message it clear. YOU ARE NOT INVITED. loud and clear. 
this is why people who takes things personally shouldn't be friends with boys. 


How was the food?
Well maifriend made me pesto pasta with some sort of meat. So I said the chicken tasted great.

3 hours later...
maifriend: how was the tuna?
maiself: You mean the chicken. I like it.
maifriend: it was tuna.
maiself: chicken good.


I have to say those chicken from the sea stuff are legit.

toodles.

so i woke up at 4am

study for an hour. back to sleep.

would you like some dinner too?

Today my friends move into their apartment, a block away from mine. So as a good neighbor, I offer to cook them good dinner and I did (for the one person that show up). Let's just say I got skillz. :) And we also went to costco and I got food and socks. SOCKS. no more mix match socks for so long.

I have to say I make really good food. IT is all common sense yo.

do u like the template ?

if not tell me I will switch back

soo not taking biochem session c

I realized I have to finish my lower divs before starting on my upper divs aka I need to finish ls1 and ls4. Therefore, I am taking ls1 session c and ls4 in the fall.

What else?

I might do a minor in neuroscience. 

So funny right?

maibro is neuroscience, maisista is neuroscience, maibro'bro is neuroscience. and me too?

welcome to the bandwagon.

what else?

today's breakfast and lunch is hawaiian sweet rolls.

and?

I am thinking about going to trader joe or traitor joe? to buy groceries but I am kinda cheap. 

Why? 

I want to save money and be rich. JK. I want to save money for mairealbro to take summer tutoring classes because I want him to be successful in the 5th grade. mairealbro is kinda derpy but at least he is cute as a button. Additionally I need to save money to take the mcat prepclass but for now self study? YES OF COURSE NO CHOICE. I met my friend in my physics class and she told me that she bought a bunch of used mcat prep books from her friend for $200. I was like ;O. I got mine for free from maiua. wow so nice. I am always so thankful but I am just terrible at saying thankful because I kinda sound fake. For example when maibro gave me a gift I was like "yay thanks!". So bad. Best thing I can do is make good use of the prepbooks and study harder. WHY EVERYONE TELL ME THAT?

Overall I love learning and teaching.

In conclusion. 

Today I realized that I not only like babies but I also like grandpas and grandmas. When will I like people my own age? They are too mean, competitive, and narcissistic in my option.

Toodles. 

 

i will call him grandpa

Today I went to the lost and found in the physics astronomy building to hopefully look for my lost ipad; instead, I found a sweet old? man working there. We had a conversation about ipads, tablets, etc. and that was when I realized he is not really up to date with today's technology. He pulled out his brand new tablet (still in a box) and as maiself, of course I would say "let me teach you how to use it". From a 5 seconds conversation about lost items became one hour of me tiptoeing by the window teaching "grandpa" all he needs to know about tablets, facebooks, music, iphones. Today is just day one. There is day two, day three, etc. Sooner or later you might even found him texting his friends. Such adventures. Aren't you proud of me?

7/17
update: yesterday i taught grandpa how to transfer songs from his computer to his android. He thanked me and said he will have the best vacation ever because of me. So next week I am going to help him set up his wireless headset. WOW i am such a busybody.

well this is embarassing

I am not telling until the problem is resolved.

hehe.

Why so scared?

Whenever I write about my goals and aspirations, I feel kinda embarassed. Like are you going to judge me if I said I want to be a doctor? I don't talk about it not because i am hesitant or unsure. I just don't want to bore everyone.

People usually talk about their successes. But what if you are like me and you don't have a lot? It is really sad when my ultimate best someone's mediocre work. For example, I have a friend who used to make me feel so inferior of myself. So much that now I am not even happy when I did well on an exam. I would be like "I could have done better".

The real question is why am I even friends with people like that?
I seriously don't know. It is like this picture.

haha. i am so silly. this picture is totally irrelevant. 

Lately I have been noticing a positive change in my personality. I am less emotional, I don't take things seriously, and I am generally happier. Compare to how I was in the fall, winter, and spring. I am proud myself for working so hard to built self confidence and esteem. Did i force myself to be happier? Not really. I just learn to accept things as they are and learn to live for myself and by myself.

Well there is one thing that haven't changed about me.
I am not good with separation. Based on my highschool experiences, when we all left for college we left each other. My friends in highschool became pictures and fb messages. What happen to "keep in touch" or "see you in the summer". I have to admit that I didn't try either.  The same thing will happen once we graduate college, we will leave this bubble and each other lives. From highschool I have maibro who is not even a friend since he is a bother. I don't know who I will have left once college is done for good. I have grown to accept that people will separate and disappear. Maybe that is why I am hesitant to form close friendships with people. It is better to keep things superficial so all we have left are random facts that doesn't define who we are? Or it is better to create vignettes so one day we can say "I wonder what he/she is doing now":)

well time to do hw and sleep. peace out!

tmj

well that sucks. Maybe I should go to my family dentist and complain there.

This morning I woke up with pains on my side and I was supposed to get an ultrasound for that but my parents were busy and I was lazy so that didn't happen. It was hurting all winter and spring no wonder it was so hard for me  to focus. But after a while it stopped hurting. Yes, I did go to the ashe center. I don't know why I am so anti-going to the doctor. It is the mentality of my family. We think, if we are not sick we are fine.

What else?
Biostat100A is the best class ever and I have so much homework for it.

My breakfast/lunch this morning consists of yesterday's dinner leftover. It was good and I am pretty sure it is the source of my stomach pains. Imagine pickled Bamboo shoots.

my love from another star

definitely rewatching it again. okay sleeptime

this is my ringtone

sometimes i just listen.

this is my alarm.

 no wonder I never wake up.