You see underwater

So today my school flooded. Yep it will always be underconstruction. :/

like every girl

I have feelings and emotions. I worry I feel sad I cry sometimes.
Like every girl I want my dreams to come true. I want stability and blissful happiness.
Like every girl who is just like me. I want to be strong so people
won't make me fall. Like every girl, I deserve a chance to be my best.
Like every girl or every guy. I deserve to look at myself and smile.

bad day

What if bad things happen? Where will I find my joy?

eggs

so I was reading about eggs and different ways to preserve them or eat them.

1. salted eggs- add into saltwater
2. poached eggs- add cracked egg into boiling water
3. fried eggs- you got this
4. scrambled eggs- scramble egg first then fry
5. deviled eggs- i believe u separate the whites from the yolk after you hardboil it.. Add some stuff to the yolk and stuff it back
6. hardboiled eggs- yoo got this
7. soft boiled eggs- boil for a little bit and let it soak in hot water.
8. balut eggs- boiled fertilized eggs :O
9. tea eggs- hard boil eggs boil again in tea.
10. century eggs- eggs preserved with clay, ash, quicklime etc.

a banana is a berry

evidence

a lot of cross breeding creates banana with specks for seeds. 

it is just a cut

Today I got a cut because of a bad knife. Seriously that steak knife going to scar me forever. emotionally scarring of course. Never use it ever again. I also made banana smoothie twice. YUMz. and all i do today is hw. Hmm the thing about a public blog is that you want people to read it but you dont want people you know read it. So if you know me please stop reading myblog. this is my blog. my space. I need this space to write. and if people are going to read it. I am just going to change the address. It not comfortable when people write comment on MY blog because it really ruin this whole secrecy and privateness. I like to imagine people read but when I see comment i get kinda annoyed. like seriously? you are ruining everything. So please don't comment because I don't like them. Don't read my blog and tell me you read because I don't care. Basically this blog is therapeutic and I dont want anything to make me want to delete it. It is nice to be alone and personal.

happy me

even though I have a bunch of hw due at midnight I am still happy.

1.  I going to have an interview for this lab I wanted
2. i made food today with maifriend and it was nasty
3. kdramas are back!

the week before finals stress

why so much work?
and i am sick again?

what i did today

shop shop shop

learn about type 1 diabetes.

i am always learning something new :)

interesting finds

what I learn today from reading articles.

1. the process of organ transplant.
2. how bees make honey

and online shopping of course.

the longest weekend ever

Friday:
-study physics
- study with my friend
- turn in homework

Saturday
- study physics
- went to daiso
- give my neighbor his bday gift

Sunday
- study physics
- watch documentaries about last 24 hours in death row and a kind of death. it was pretty morbid.
- made 10 dollars on chegg

monday
-study physics
- midterm
- ate korean food


what else?
I was kinda moody. I am still moody. and my stomach hurts after eating korean food.

the best thing

is when no hw is due and all you can do is study all day.

What else?
idk. i study a lot.

Burglar alert

i stole this somewhere

what did Obama say to Michelle when he was proposing to her?
"Will you marry me? I don't wanna be obamaself"  <--- highlight for the answer.

welcome to the maifamily

Soooo today I added my neuroscience minor. Hehe. Why? Let's just say there is much to learn and it fits with my major so why not. But seriously. I have my reasons and no it is not easy. Most of the physci classes are neuroscience but with another name...

It is really a miracle that everything fits..

So today I think I saved a friend's future. More update on that later. We will see. Let's just say I found out from my counselor that you need to take a year of english and this friend took one class... GG.

I think I am such as a busy body. hehe.

What else?
I spent 3 days studying physics concepts and now I can do problems with much effort. #concepts.

my weird neighbor part2

guess what I had for togo breakfast?
-same thing as dinner


At least the chicken was good. And why is tuna white?

my weird neighbor

so my friends moved in to the neighborhood. And as maiself I asked "are you going to make me dinner? breakfast?".

What is this? a catering service? No invite to apartment to eat dinner or anything. Just  "go down stairs", "here is your food", "bye". Seriously. Who does that? Well obviously the message it clear. YOU ARE NOT INVITED. loud and clear. 
this is why people who takes things personally shouldn't be friends with boys. 


How was the food?
Well maifriend made me pesto pasta with some sort of meat. So I said the chicken tasted great.

3 hours later...
maifriend: how was the tuna?
maiself: You mean the chicken. I like it.
maifriend: it was tuna.
maiself: chicken good.


I have to say those chicken from the sea stuff are legit.

toodles.

so i woke up at 4am

study for an hour. back to sleep.

would you like some dinner too?

Today my friends move into their apartment, a block away from mine. So as a good neighbor, I offer to cook them good dinner and I did (for the one person that show up). Let's just say I got skillz. :) And we also went to costco and I got food and socks. SOCKS. no more mix match socks for so long.

I have to say I make really good food. IT is all common sense yo.

do u like the template ?

if not tell me I will switch back

soo not taking biochem session c

I realized I have to finish my lower divs before starting on my upper divs aka I need to finish ls1 and ls4. Therefore, I am taking ls1 session c and ls4 in the fall.

What else?

I might do a minor in neuroscience. 

So funny right?

maibro is neuroscience, maisista is neuroscience, maibro'bro is neuroscience. and me too?

welcome to the bandwagon.

what else?

today's breakfast and lunch is hawaiian sweet rolls.

and?

I am thinking about going to trader joe or traitor joe? to buy groceries but I am kinda cheap. 

Why? 

I want to save money and be rich. JK. I want to save money for mairealbro to take summer tutoring classes because I want him to be successful in the 5th grade. mairealbro is kinda derpy but at least he is cute as a button. Additionally I need to save money to take the mcat prepclass but for now self study? YES OF COURSE NO CHOICE. I met my friend in my physics class and she told me that she bought a bunch of used mcat prep books from her friend for $200. I was like ;O. I got mine for free from maiua. wow so nice. I am always so thankful but I am just terrible at saying thankful because I kinda sound fake. For example when maibro gave me a gift I was like "yay thanks!". So bad. Best thing I can do is make good use of the prepbooks and study harder. WHY EVERYONE TELL ME THAT?

Overall I love learning and teaching.

In conclusion. 

Today I realized that I not only like babies but I also like grandpas and grandmas. When will I like people my own age? They are too mean, competitive, and narcissistic in my option.

Toodles. 

 

i will call him grandpa

Today I went to the lost and found in the physics astronomy building to hopefully look for my lost ipad; instead, I found a sweet old? man working there. We had a conversation about ipads, tablets, etc. and that was when I realized he is not really up to date with today's technology. He pulled out his brand new tablet (still in a box) and as maiself, of course I would say "let me teach you how to use it". From a 5 seconds conversation about lost items became one hour of me tiptoeing by the window teaching "grandpa" all he needs to know about tablets, facebooks, music, iphones. Today is just day one. There is day two, day three, etc. Sooner or later you might even found him texting his friends. Such adventures. Aren't you proud of me?

7/17
update: yesterday i taught grandpa how to transfer songs from his computer to his android. He thanked me and said he will have the best vacation ever because of me. So next week I am going to help him set up his wireless headset. WOW i am such a busybody.

well this is embarassing

I am not telling until the problem is resolved.

hehe.

Why so scared?

Whenever I write about my goals and aspirations, I feel kinda embarassed. Like are you going to judge me if I said I want to be a doctor? I don't talk about it not because i am hesitant or unsure. I just don't want to bore everyone.

People usually talk about their successes. But what if you are like me and you don't have a lot? It is really sad when my ultimate best someone's mediocre work. For example, I have a friend who used to make me feel so inferior of myself. So much that now I am not even happy when I did well on an exam. I would be like "I could have done better".

The real question is why am I even friends with people like that?
I seriously don't know. It is like this picture.

haha. i am so silly. this picture is totally irrelevant. 

Lately I have been noticing a positive change in my personality. I am less emotional, I don't take things seriously, and I am generally happier. Compare to how I was in the fall, winter, and spring. I am proud myself for working so hard to built self confidence and esteem. Did i force myself to be happier? Not really. I just learn to accept things as they are and learn to live for myself and by myself.

Well there is one thing that haven't changed about me.
I am not good with separation. Based on my highschool experiences, when we all left for college we left each other. My friends in highschool became pictures and fb messages. What happen to "keep in touch" or "see you in the summer". I have to admit that I didn't try either.  The same thing will happen once we graduate college, we will leave this bubble and each other lives. From highschool I have maibro who is not even a friend since he is a bother. I don't know who I will have left once college is done for good. I have grown to accept that people will separate and disappear. Maybe that is why I am hesitant to form close friendships with people. It is better to keep things superficial so all we have left are random facts that doesn't define who we are? Or it is better to create vignettes so one day we can say "I wonder what he/she is doing now":)

well time to do hw and sleep. peace out!

tmj

well that sucks. Maybe I should go to my family dentist and complain there.

This morning I woke up with pains on my side and I was supposed to get an ultrasound for that but my parents were busy and I was lazy so that didn't happen. It was hurting all winter and spring no wonder it was so hard for me  to focus. But after a while it stopped hurting. Yes, I did go to the ashe center. I don't know why I am so anti-going to the doctor. It is the mentality of my family. We think, if we are not sick we are fine.

What else?
Biostat100A is the best class ever and I have so much homework for it.

My breakfast/lunch this morning consists of yesterday's dinner leftover. It was good and I am pretty sure it is the source of my stomach pains. Imagine pickled Bamboo shoots.

my love from another star

definitely rewatching it again. okay sleeptime

this is my ringtone

sometimes i just listen.

this is my alarm.

 no wonder I never wake up.

Doesn't it bother you?

-So I found that one of maifriends is engaged and other will be engaged(I think this person is trolling me)  and I don't know how I feel about it. Happy for the couple? of course!

-I also found out my other friend's boyfriend surprised her wtih disneyland tickets.  Happy for the couple? of course!

So what is the big deal?

Looking at the situation in a wider picture, I realized that I am almost turning twenty and I am neither engaged or gotten disneyland tickets. LOL. Looks like I have a lot of catching up to do.
                                                                        ^
                                                                        |
                                                                        |
                                                                        |
OKAY I HOPE WE ALL UNDERSTAND | is a joke and I AM NOT actually SERIOUS.


- I forgot my new shoes at home.

So what is the big deal?

NO Nu SHOo


- Maiparents say I need a school meal plan.

Why?
They think I am lazy and cannot feed myself.
Well said parents. It is true. I am starving here.


- My birthday is coming up. Maifriends birthday are also coming up and I got such good gifts. Some of them are priceless aka free.

Where are maipresents? :O


LOL writing this was entertaining. Really gives me a great opportunity to reflect.

shopping with maisista

Today I took maisista to target to buy her supplies and stuff for her dorm. You know things like bedsheets, pillow, comforter. Why no parents? Well I guess they were watching the world cup. It was fun. Everything is so well color coordinated.  mission accomplished.

Tell me something I haven't heard before.

I don't know why people think it is "easy" to work hard. It is not really that easy. If that is the case, why only some of us are successful. It gets annoying when maifriend tells me to study more. I am studying. What more can I do? If I sit there and study 10 hours straight would it make a difference? If I wake up 3 hours earlier and 3 hours later than everyone else, would I be consider diligent. Enough of these if's and would's. Tell me something I haven't heard before. I am going to make a change but would you change with me? So you won't see me as lazy or careless but as a person who also have goals and aspirations. Perhaps I should have said: "will you see me differently?"

It is just a burn.

Here is something real.

So last week I was training with my new co-worker at work to use the autoclave machine. While training him how to take the hot flasks out of the machine, I was distracted by him and bump my elbow into the hot metallic lid of the machine. He then asked me if I was okay and I said: "Yeah yeah I am fine".

After walking back into the lab and when he was out of sight I rinse my elbow with cold running water. The burn wasn't that bad. But I have a burn now.

 Lesson learnt: don't talk and act the same time, you will get hurt.

By my side part 2

Enjoy or no joy.

First impression is important. When I first met my dad for the first time I thought I thought he was the best person ever, the nicest man in whole entire world. I never asked him or mom why they left me at the orphanage or why it takes so long for him to find me or take me back. Mesmerized by the whole situation of leaving the school and having a new life away from the people who laughed at me, I never thought of asking the most important question: why are you taking be back? It was only years later did the question really bothered me. Bothered me was not even the case; I was dying for an answer to a question I was too afraid to ask. My life began with a single question that had freed me from the protection of the orphanage. I was really abandoned and alone.
Sitting here in my room I think back to the time the time when I was still at the orphanage and the boy who ruined my fairytale. Surely he was one of the students of the school because I knew everyone. Probably a visitor. Well, whoever he was I better not see him again. He changed my life once what makes me think he wouldn’t change it again. It wasn’t his fault but I am not taking any chances. 
I am happy. I am happy. I have caring parents who would buy anything I want. My room is filled with all my favorite books and random trinkets I would occasionally buy. There is nothing wrong with my life. I am happy. Sure, I don’t have a lot of friends but I feel content. This is the life I have always wanted: a family. I have a little sister and she is loves me. What is not to love about my family? 
Tomorrow is my first day in my new high school. For the past ten years my family has moved seven times. It is fine. I can do it. I am a senior now. One more year I will in college and during those four years, I can make permanent friends. This is the last time I will have to meet strange new faces and restart my life.
THE NEXT DAY
The first day of school went by pretty fast; before I knew it was sixth period, study hall. I had no homework so what is better to do than to draw. I drew pictures of flowers and a young boy. Who is this boy? I smeared his face and smiled. At least the flowers are still pretty.

When I was walking out of a library a hand grabbed my arms. Startled I turned around; it was the same boy from my sketch. I probably saw his face this morning or something.
“You are Hope right?”
“Yeah. What about me?”
He pulled me to aside and looked me. His face was sad and serious.
“Look, I am sorry for embarrassing you at that school.”
So it was him. “It’s fine no big deal we all make mistakes. We were kids anyways.”
“No this was a big deal, if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have ran and gotten into that car accident. I am sorry.” WHAT?
“I don’t know what you are talking about…” I murmured. 
“I have to go now. See you later!” He handed me a piece of paper and disappeared.
What car accident?
TO BE CONTINUED. I don't know if I want to continue this story. There are too many twisted plots now...

MAIWAVES

Today I gave my hair some waves and I left my contacts on for too long and now my eyes are pinkie. TIRED EYES BEEN LOOKIN AT THE COMPUTER FOR TOO LONG.

But that is not important. okay I was gonna write more but my (eyes) I tired.

Gossips are Seafur here

Here is a story inspired by maibro...

Starring:
Maibro as ToeFur
Guess? as Shellsea


Toefur lives a typical cool day in the high mountains with a lot of friends: snow#1, snow#2, snow#3,  snow#5... basically he has a lot of icy friends.  He is never alone, always in company with many cold friends. It has been this way for a blizzard. Meanwhile on the other side lives Shellsea. Shellsea lives in the sand by the sea with all her shellfish friends who doesn't give a sand to anyone.

One day Toefur decides to visit Shellsea by the sea to see if the water is really hotter on the other side...

Toefur: "Shellsea shell we go for a swim in the water, it is really clam here and I love it!"

Shellsea: Whatever floats your boats.

And so Toefur and Shellsea went for a swim.

Toefur: "Wow there is so much water, I have no water where I live.

Shellsea: Yeah, it pretty easy to drown here.

Toefur: And there is so much seafood.

shellsea: Seeing food is all I ever do here.

Toefur: Can you make me a sandwich.

Shellsea: Nope.

Toefur: :(

Shellsea: I don't give a sand to anyone.

~~~

Toefur:  LOOK! The Tidals are waving at me.

Shellsea: Those high Tidal waves are dangerous, you should stay away from them. I heard they are lunatics.

Toefur: You are such a drowner. You take everything I say downstream.

Shellsea: We shell sea about that.

Toefur: No need to sea anymore. It is obvious you have been living in a bubble.

Shellsea: obviously. That is my home.

Toefur: Well, I am going to pop your bubble. Maybe you will be happier where I live.

Shellsea: What about all my sand and my shellfish friends?

Toefur: Don't worry I have lots of cool friends where I live...

And so Shellsea and Toefur waved goodbye to her shellfish friends and the high Tidals.

Shellsea: Wow it is so chill here in the high mountains. My friends will think I am so cool now.

Toefur(in a bored tone): Welcome to my cool home. You can see my cold- old- friends from here. Don't bother waving or trying to sea them, they won't understand you.

Shellsea: Why are you so cold?

Toefur: because I only have fur on my toe. <--- highlight for spoilers.

to be continued. 

Home for the weekend

I am home for the weekend so I guess I will write something meaningful.

nah. i got nothing.

TBT: A story I wrote in highschool

By My Side By mqtpi When I was little, my teenage parents left me. From what I hear from the nuns at the orphanage, I was left on the front porch with only a tattered, used blanket and a letter. Note: I never saw the letter. The only clothes I had were the ones I wore: a newborn’s shirt with a hospital logo on it. I was less than 3 days old, my name is Hope, and I was all alone.

The fact that I was left by my parents did not bother me; in fact, I felt special. The nuns who took care of me are my moms, they loved me and I love them. At school, the other kids would tease me about my many “mommies” but that never bothered me. I knew I could justify my answer in a way that would drown their shallow minds. My quick replies were no match for one question that a certain inconsiderate boy asked, his question twisted my world and destroyed my own happiness.
It all started in third grade on Bring Your Parents to School Day. In order to encourage family bond and love, my school created it’s own version of Bring Your Kids to Work Day. Based on my research and theory, I am betting this is another one of their schemes to raise money. Did I mention that on BYPTSD the school principal gave all the parents and the students a three hours speech on the school’s status? When the assembly was over, all the little kindergarteners were forced to carry donation boxes with the slogan: Mommy and Daddy can help . 
The parents, not wanting to shame their children, were forced to donate through the art of pathos. BYPTSD is a simple process to earn quick, fast, and easy money.
You might assume that I was shamed because I didn’t have any parents. Ha ha you are wrong. Not only did I bring two persons to donate, I brought 20 persons. I actually won an award for the most donations by a single family. 
So how could this great this day affect me? Well on BYPTSD, the top student of each grade level was required to give a speech about their parents in front of the whole school. My bet is that this is another one of the tricks to make the assembly last longer and create more of that “pathos”. Well that year, yours truly was the top student of her class as expected of course. 
I wrote a speech about my many moms, how they contributed to my success, and why I love them, simple right?-not. After our speech we required to answer any possible questions that the audience might ask us. At the end of my speech, the audiences were left speechless, from the corners of my eyes I could see my twenty moms crying with tears of joy and love. Out of nowhere, there was a single hand that shot up from the third grade. Oh look one of my fellow classmates. I was surprised when a foreign voice asked the question. There were sixty kids in the third grade, and I knew all of their names and faces, this voice did not match any of them. Must be an imposer. Nevertheless, I politely asked him for the question. There was silence and a question that was never to be asked left his mouth.
“You didn’t mention a dad, you are smart so you must know that everyone has a mom and a dad. Where is your dad, do you even have a dad?”
I was shocked, I never thought of it that way before. It was always, I have lot of moms, the more the better. Dad? I don’t even know what is a dad, my friends mentioned it once but when they are around me they always make sure to not say it. For all that I know, a dad is a thing that lives with a mom. It could be a nickname for a dog, I don’t know. The audiences were staring at me and so I quickly answer, using the smartest voice I could imitate.
“My greatest apologies, I do not own a dad.”
Within a nanosecond, the whole quiet auditorium burst into laughters and giggles. Embarrassed, I ran down the stage and ran home, without a single bow. That day was also the first day I ditched school. I never went back. 
I ran with all the energy I had to no destination, my legs took me, like always to a tree in the middle of the park. I have always loved that tree for no apparent reason. I had no reason to love it, except for that fact that carved on that tree is a heart, and inside the heart in a much younger carved was a four letter word. Don’t start assuming yet, it is not what you think it is. Let me repeat, carved inside the heart was the word HOPE. The funny thing is that on the third Friday of every month a man and a woman, around the same age, would sit under the same tree for hours doing nothing. They never appear together, but it was always the same man and woman.
I sat under the tree and cried for what seemed like forever. “Why are you crying,” a soft unfamiliar voice asked. Without looking I answered, “I am not going back to this school.” “What school are you from?” “Obviously, the one closest to here.” “My daughter goes to that school.” “So aren’t you supposed to be there?” “I can’t.”
That was when it hit me, there was another person at my school whose dad didn’t show up. “It is okay, you don’t have to be there the audience is mean. They laughed at me when I said, “My greatest apologies, I do not own a dad.” Instead of laughing at me the young man was calm, he looked at me with a tender loving expression.
“You don’t have a dad?” He asked. I smiled and answered, “Yeah I don’t, but that is okay I have a lot of moms.” “And why is that?” “Don’t feel sorry for me, you promise?” “If you don’t want me too.” “I live in an orphanage.” “Oh I see, very interesting. Are you going to school tomorrow?” “No I won’t, it is okay. School is almost over, before I go can I ask you why you always go to this tree? And the lady too, are you guys related in a way?” “Um she is my wife, we are looking for our daughter.” “Ha ha you are too funny, you are too young to have kids. By the way trees don’t kidnap children. Don’t you have any logic?” “Well you are too young to understand, can I ask you your name?” “My name is on the tree.” The man looked at me with a startle wanting look, it was creepy. 
“I guess you better get going, you don’t want your moms to be angry. If you need anything just ask me. Here is my number. So call me maybe.”
“Yeah I need you for something, tomorrow can you come to the orphanage and be my teacher? This school is too embarrassing.”
“Tell you what tomorrow I will bring my wife, and we will take you home with us. You can go to a new school and restart your life. What do you think?”
“Are you a person who trades kids for money?” “No I am actually a Professor and my wife, she is an artist.”
“Okay I don’t believe you. I will believe you if you have proof and evidence. Well see you later future teacher!” 

I quickly ran home without giving him a chance to say goodbye. When I was running for a couple minutes I realized that I forgot my shoes by the tree. 

Yeah I know I am forgetful, it was so nice being shoeless and talking to that man.

- to be continue. yes there is more. just no want to post

COMPLEMENTARY MUSIC

I need to buy a mattress topper.
Since I am currently sleeping on a piece of foam.
just thinking about what I am sleeping on makes my back hurts.

it is hard to save

when you want to wear pretty clothes and not wear the same outfit everyday.

That is why today I went to the store and shop for 30 mins and let me tell you that 30 mins felt like hours. Because
1. I was carrying my backpack + laptop + books
2. I dont like picking and choosing
3. those hangers and price tags.

In the end I found a dress for $9.99. WOW so cheap so cute so me.
Not to be so superficial or anything but I am so disappointed in my clothes today. It is like I didn't even try (I didn't). I dress better at home than at school. WHY? I wash dishes for a living so I dress to wash dishes. AND. It is not cool to wear shorts and sandals in the lab. The winter is so much better, I can wear sweaters, leggings and boots to work and still look good. Summer = so embarrassing like who wears long soccers pants and a jacket in the summer?

What else?

Lately I have been singing the same song: Part of Your World
WHY? I like the lyrics a lot and I can sing now. I sing when I walk down the stairs and while walking to class because it is such a good song.

"Bright young women, sick of swimming, ready to stand."

What now?
I am studying for physics and it is very fun.


What more?
Must sleep early. This morning I didn't go to work at 8am because I was a sleepyhead


What wish?
I wish I can drink boba everyday. My dad says I am lucky because I basically have everything. "But who cares no big deal, I want more" JK.

the starving times

is when I have nothing to eat.
NOTHING = to lazy to cook.
So I eat my roommate left overs.

i am good

i woke up early to study.
early: 8:30 --> late

Iallergies: I look like a zombies

goals for Junior year

- get a research position
- raise my gpa by 0.2 :)
- so something fun

I sneezed once.

and I am still sneezing.

my nose feels cold. Perhaps it is the cold water. or cold smoothie. or IDK :(

someone stole my bike - i think

how sad.
it is my favorite bike and I didn't even have the chance to ride it.

:(

edit: it was impounded. how embarrassing.

So each bike cost $50 to get back. Well, I will take my orange bike back and the other one? ehh. next year.

KEEP CALM. DON'T STRESS. WORK MORE. STUDY ON.

It is that time of the month to pay rent...

Everyday right before I go to sleep. My leg would start aching. so sad. Why so old? Everything aches.
Even so. Even so. Many people are working a lot harder than me. For example, in my biostats class there are people who have school and a full time job. That is crazy. OR there are people taking a lot of units in addition to volunteering, research, etc.

This summer for me, I am taking two classes and working ~10 hours a week. All of which is to pay for my apartment. It is not pay check by pay check living. It is more like I never got paid. Haha. It will get better.

waking up too early

this is how i feel when I have to wake up early. so confused!

Question: If I wake up early everyday, would I be able to train myself to become a morning person?

Question: If I study earlier in the day and make myself really tired, would I be able to fall asleep more easily?