It is due at 11:59pm for MCDB 104al. MCDB 104al is fun but if you very little lab experiment, you will surely struggle. I am not struggling, just hate writing papers and lab report.
I'm just not ready so I am going to sit in for 30a, 30b, before learning 30c. With confidence I will take 30c, 30al, 30bl. Yup.
Here are my goals for today and the rest of the week:
Sunday: Finish paper, wash dishes, eat something
Monday:
- morning: design primers, study for quiz
- work on poster - seriously seriously
- work on week 8 paper- seriously
Monday - Friday
- poster
- paper
- PPT
YUP
So yeah I have been feeling a lot better these pass 2/3 days. I was so emotional last week. I decided that I don't really care what people think of me and I should try to make myself happy instead of focusing on the words people have to say. Yesterday one of of the people who hurt my feelings asked me "why are you so nice today? You hair looks pretty today". I just said thank you and walk to my group because there is nothing for me to say.
this song sounds good:
general irrelevant question: Will people lie about their feelings?
answer: yes especially if the truth will hurt their pride.
It is a thursday, tomorrow is Friday and there is the weekend...
Spring quarter is always the worst for me. That is when my mood turns completely sour and everything human interaction is apathetic and cold. For the last three weeks, I have been living in a quiet daze going to my classes, research, work, sleep repeat? What is laughter? What is eating food? What is enjoying the last quarter of my junior year? I talk to people I have to talk to. I act like I am fine and pretended that I am not upset and definitely not unhappy. In reality I am scared of people, I avoid conversation with people - especially new people (because they don't know me, they will judge me and they will hurt me). And that does happen. People get to know me, they promise to never misunderstand me or disappear from my life (because separation is so hard). Then they act like they don't know me when I was hurt. And finally poof. If the "friends" that I have made really care, why do they have to disappear just because they couldn't help? Worst, talk negatively about me to others so eventually I have to hear about it. For this very reason from my past present and future, I am afraid of new people. I don't like making close friends. I am not willing to let others into my life, I am not open to talking about myself or caring about what others have to say. Why invest so much so that in the end you are left all alone? I want to go out and meet my future significant others but I am too cynical, not willing to invest too afraid to say a word. If you live like this you would be cynical too. Just be yourself don't express your opinions too much. Just smile like everything is great so people can't hurt you. So you won't be afraid.
Chemistry 30C is a total mess. Why study and pay for tutoring when you still do terriblely? Just fail on purpose and retake the class. :/
Yep definitely taking a real gap year to study for mcat.
What is bothering me in order of importance.
1. The fact that I am bothered.
2. Chem30c
3. People
See? People are the last on my list yet. Bothers me more when I am bothered.
Well listen to this song.
It reminds me of a person that I defended and for that reason here I am today upset. Perhaps I did the right thing to defend him. Is it worth it?
Yup. I haven't not written in a long long time. Why? no time yo. Just kidding. I just didn't feel like it. No i really don't have time.
Some updates:
- I learn a lot of great life lessons: Don't give constructive criticism, don't be too honest, don't even tell people that they are wrong because no matter what they will be butt hurt and everything will go down hill from there.
- I have noticed that the older I get the less motivated I am to meet new people.
- My friend calls me cynical. yup.
- I also learn to help myself first.
- last quarter i manage to get all A's one b+ and I was sad for a while. refer line on top ^^
- I decided to not do my minor because I don't want to go through pain and suffering
- I am going to do a science poster. Which means I will be very busy and zombie like
- I might not study for the mcat this summer and just focus on getting my "perfect' gpa - but honestly when I graduate i won't even care about my gpa...
- I want to do an internship
year 1 after graduation
What I am planning to do in my gap year.
- work as a tutor
- find a ta job
- babysit
- study for the mcat
- volunteer
- research
- apply
year 2 after graduation
- work as a tutor
- find a ta job
- babysit
- volunteer
- research
